Your “personality” is the set of characteristics and traits that define your behavior, emotions, and cognition. Understanding personality types and which one you most closely identify with can not only help you to understand yourself, but to understand others better, too. We’ve explored some of the most common personality types, signs to help you identify your own, and the ways your personality type might impact your social relationships. Being aware of your personality type can also be a useful tool in developing greater self-awareness, improving your relationships, fostering personal growth, and guiding career development.
Self-awareness is crucial to developing an understanding of your personality type. By recognizing your strengths, weaknesses, and general tendencies, you can better understand your patterns of behavior and thought, and therefore manage them more effectively. Maximizing your self-awareness also helps to pinpoint the sources of stress and anxiety in your life, and it can help you develop healthy coping mechanisms to deal with them effectively.
Improved communication is another benefit of understanding your personality type. By recognizing the personality types of others, you can adjust your communication style accordingly. This can lead to more positive and fulfilling relationships with family, friends, significant others, and colleagues because effective communication often results in a greater capacity for empathy and ability to listen.
Understanding the many different personality types can be incredibly helpful in any social situation or personal relationship. By knowing your personality type and being able to recognize the personality types of those around you, you can communicate more effectively and build stronger, more meaningful relationships. We’ve rounded up some of the most common personality types below, each including a relevant book to learn more.
Anxious-Attachment Personality
People with “anxious-attachment” personalities tend to have an intense fear of abandonment and rejection. They often worry that their partners or friends will leave them, and they may become overly dependent on others to validate their self-worth. They are highly sensitive and can easily feel hurt, which can lead to a lot of anxiety and stress.
If you have an anxious-attachment personality, it is important to learn healthy coping mechanisms, such as mindfulness and self-compassion. You can also work on building your self-esteem and self-worth, so that you do not rely on others for validation.
You may have already heard of it, due to the book’s growing success, however, Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find – and Keep – Love by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller, should be on you must read list.
Signs this may be you:
- You have difficulty trusting others and developing secure relationships
- You have an intense fear of abandonment or rejection
- You regularly seek reassurance and validation from others
- You are insecure about the stability and longevity of your relationships
Avoidant-Attachment Personality
“Avoidant-attachment” is a pattern of behavior and emotions characterized by difficulty forming close, intimate relationships, preferring independence and self-sufficiency, feeling uncomfortable with emotional intimacy and vulnerability, and having a hard time trusting others. This pattern can be learned from experiences of neglect, rejection, or emotional unavailability from caregivers during childhood, leading to emotional distancing and difficulty forming secure attachments in adulthood.
In romantic relationships, individuals with an avoidant-attachment style may struggle with commitment and emotional closeness, leading to frustration and loneliness for their partners. However, this doesn’t mean you can’t learn to form healthy, secure relationships and overcome their fear of emotional intimacy.
While confronting some of the reasons why you may see yourself as an avoidant-attachment personality type in dating, it can be important for the health of any longterm relationships that you do. Reading Running on Empty: Overcome Your Childhood Emotional Neglect by Jonice Webb is a great first step.
Signs this may be you:
- You prefer to be independent and self-sufficient
- You are uncomfortable with emotional intimacy and vulnerability
- You have difficulty trusting others
- You’re a pro at remaining emotionally distant and prefer a lack of commitment in relationships
Secure-Attachment Personality
A “secure-attachment” personality type can be defined by comfort with emotional intimacy, trust in others, and a healthy sense of independence. People with a secure-attachment style have typically experienced a nurturing and supportive environment during childhood, which allowed them to develop healthy emotional regulation and coping mechanisms.
As a result, they feel comfortable expressing their emotions and being vulnerable with others, which facilitates the formation of secure, long-lasting relationships. They are able to balance their need for closeness with their need for autonomy and are generally able to communicate their needs and emotions effectively. In romantic relationships, individuals with a secure attachment style tend to have greater satisfaction and happiness, as well as fewer problems with jealousy and relationship anxiety.
If you are a secure-attachment personality type you may feel that you don’t need any advice for dating. However, check out Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love by Sue Johnson to help with growth in your next or current relationship.
Signs this may be you:
- You are comfortable with emotional intimacy and vulnerability
- You are trusting of others
- You have a balanced approach to autonomy and closeness
- You maintain effective communication skills and healthy boundaries
Disorganized-Attachment Personality
“Disorganized-attachment” is a personality type characterized by a lack of consistent attachment behavior, including a mix of avoidance and approach behaviors towards attachment figures. People with a disorganized attachment style have typically experienced inconsistent and sometimes frightening parenting in childhood, which can lead to confusion and fear around attachment figures. This can result in a lack of a coherent strategy for dealing with stress or seeking comfort, which can impact their relationships.
In romantic relationships, individuals with a disorganized attachment style may struggle with trust, emotional regulation, and difficulty establishing healthy boundaries. Overtime, people with a disorganized-attachment style of dating can overcome social and romantic obstacles.
Check out Laurence Heller and Aline LaPierre’s book Healing Developmental Trauma for more about this personality type.
Signs this may be you:
- You have difficulty forming stable and secure attachments
- You regularly have confusion or fear around family, parents, guardians
- You have difficulty regulating your emotions and coping with stress
People Pleaser
“People pleasers” are individuals who have a strong desire to please others, often at the expense of their own needs and desires. They may struggle with boundaries and saying “no,” which can lead to a lot of stress and burnout. People pleasers may also struggle with assertiveness and may have a hard time standing up for themselves.
If you are a people pleaser, it is important to learn to set boundaries and prioritize your own needs and desires. You can also work on building your assertiveness skills, so that you feel more confident standing up for yourself.
For those who think they may be people pleasers, Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No To Take Control of Your Life by Henry Cloud and John Townsend is a must-read.
Signs this may be you:
- You are overly accommodating and eager to please
- You have difficulty saying no and setting boundaries
- You tend to avoid conflict
- You seek validation and approval from others.
Type A Personality
“Type A” personalities are often driven, ambitious, and competitive. They may be perfectionists and may have a hard time relaxing or slowing down. They may also struggle with stress and anxiety, as they often put a lot of pressure on themselves to succeed.
If you have a Type A personality, it is important to learn healthy stress-management techniques, such as mindfulness and exercise. You can also work on setting realistic goals and priorities so that you do not burn out or become overwhelmed.
Drive: The Surprising Truth About What Motivates Us by Daniel H. Pink can give you more information about the Type A personality.
Signs this may be you:
- You are competitive and goal-oriented
- You are impatient and easily frustrated
- You are prone to stress and anxiety
- You have high levels of ambition and drive
Introverted Personality Type
“Introverts” tend to be more reserved and quiet than extroverts. They prefer solitude and may feel drained after socializing for long periods of time. Introverts may also be more reflective and introspective than extroverts. If you are an introvert, it is important to honor your need for solitude and quiet time. You can also work on finding ways to recharge your energy, such as through reading or spending time in nature.
For someone with an introverted personality type, consider reading Quiet Voice Fearless Leader by Terrance Lee.
Signs this may be you:
- You are reserved and introspective
- You prefer solitude and often to do most activities by yourself
- You are highly observant and analytical
Extroverted Personality Type
“Extroverts” tend to be outgoing and sociable, and they often enjoy being around others. They may thrive in social situations and feel energized by being around others. Extroverts may also be more impulsive and prone to taking risks than introverts.
If you are an extrovert, it is important to find ways to balance your social life with your own needs for solitude and introspection. You can also work on practicing mindfulness and self-reflection, so that you do not become too impulsive or reckless.
Olivia Fox Cabane’s book, The Charisma Myth is a must-read for someone with an extroverted personality type.
Signs this may be you:
- You are outgoing and sociable
- You thrive in social settings
- You are energized by interaction with others
- You tend to seek stimulation and excitement
Personality types can help clue us into the way we interact with the world around us. Whether you have an anxious-attachment personality, a people pleaser personality, or gravitate toward one of the many others, there are a multitude of ways to manage your strengths, your weaknesses, and to cultivate a more fulfilling and satisfying life within yourself and with those around you.
